SCAM #1 The Truth Is Out There
My comments (mostly sarcastic and snide) will be in WHITE
My emails will be in GREEN
The scammer’s emails will be in YELLOW
The scammer’s initial email I am just going to sum up for you because it’s ALL IN CAPS, Misspeled, and the grammar totally bad is.
In short – that first email will cause the instant manifestation of an embolism in your brain from reading it.
So- let’s begin – the basics of the first email are that this Barrister in Nigeria needs to get out $73 million USD and wants me to help him. In return I will receive $33 million dollars. I have to provide him with my address, phone number and bank account information as well as a copy of my passport.
Dear XXXXXX,
I am flattered that you trust me in the endeavor. I appreciate that you understand the need for secrecy and confidentiality as my own position requires such things as well. Please email me if you are interested in doing business with me.
YYYYYY
Good luck understanding this one….
YYYYYY,
my sister, if I hold to make you this note, it is to mean you that you denais fleshfor me more and more and now, I feels that I miss you.you want that I send my photograph to you so that you know that it is notscam?I want that you it helps me is all!! if in my remarks written I have toskid, I forgives, but assistance me it is as God who pushes you to help me.if you want or accept this proposal, then one will be able to set out againthe new ones for emplifier our relation.I am préssé to read you and see your answer.believe me, I want that you helps me. I send my personal email for you to see I am honest. XXXXXXXX@yahoo.com
XXXXXXX
Oooh his PERSONAL email… from Yahoo. How professional … Well it has the word LAW in it so it must be okay.
Let’s fuck with him a bit shall we?
Time for the medication to run out… Here fishie fishie fishie….
XXXXX,
I am glad to see you have trusted me with your personal email. I will safeguard it with my life.
Before we continue let me tell you a little about myself. I mentioned I can appreciate the need for secrecy because of my own career. I am the head of group known as the Faithfully United Coalition Kingdom of Terrestial Alliance – Royal Devision – or F.U.C.K..T.A.-R.D. for short.
We belive that “The Man” (aka the government) has been preventing the dissemination of information which PROVES the existence of life on other planets.
Why – just yesterday one of our head scientists informed me that he has CLEAR and ABSOLUTE evidence that there are dingleberries existing in the lush vegetation of Uranus.
The government has been trying to shut us down – they suspect (correctly) that we are building a spaceship out of used digital watches and Yugos and will be traveling to other galaxies where we will take pictures with our camera phones and post them up for the world to see and know that WE ARE NOT ALONE!
We have recently came upon information that the government has been using new technology – such as the Vulcan Mind Meld – to read our thoughts and this is how they discovered our plans for space exploration.
Myself and the other space cadets have developed protective head gear – which will protect us from the mind-meld – and have also chosen to adopt this as a ceremonial head gear for inductions and whatnot. Making a spaceship is expensive and your offer for funds comes at a most oppourtune time.
You have offered me a photo to prove your honest. I would like you then - to send me a picture of yourself – you MUST be wearing the protective head gear – I have send a picture of what the head gear looks like. It must be constructed out of aluminum foil. You must also have a sign with you with the words: F.U.C.K..T.A.-R.D – THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE clearly visible on it. Once I have this we can continue to proceed with out most important business.
YYYYYYYY
Okay. He cannot seriously be that gullible can he? Read on. I passed on editing this one – it’s giving me a headache.
YYYYYYY,
I send to you directly and firstly my photograph and this after midday I want to send the remainders for our organization to you. I shares to photograph them.is with a heart full with joy that I tien still to write you this letter I am very delighted by do it because, I saw that God starts to bring us closer. Believe because, nothing comes randomly.I love you and I also believe that you like me as much.I wanted to know so tomorrow I send the photographs that what will follow afterwards????
Sincerely XXXXXXX
ZOinks. That is hard to follow. Bottom line? He sent me a picture which is here…
HE DID NOT FOLLOW MY FUCKING DIRECTIONS THOUGH. Bastard. Time to get nasty.
XXXXXX,
Okay- what part of my instructions for the picture did you notunderstand?
I do not believe this is you.
You are not wearing the ceremonial hat of my people.
You are not holding the sign stating "The Truth is Out There".
You must think I am an idiot sending me a picture of some random person.You are obviously not a man to be trusted. One of your countrymen emailed me and is complying with my request for a picture of him and he is willing to do it.
In return I will be sending him a sum of money to assist him in setting up a branch of my organization, the Faithfully United Coalition Kingdom of Terrestial Alliance - Royal Devision, in his area.I will give you one more chance to send me the PROPER picture.
If I do not have it by this weekend - you will receive NO response from me in the future.You will make and construct a hat out of aluminum foil such as seen inthe picture I have attached. You will print out the attached form and have it clearly displayed inthe picture so it can be easily read.
That ought to piss him off—let him think some other scammer is going to get my money.
So- does he comply this time?
Ah!!I want to know if you are a chretienne? why you require me too much?but if one sees well I am the prémier to ask you for a photograph not?or is your photograph? me I believe you then why you do not believe me?I know that I want to make it can that I love you but sendings me also the tien there or you are only a photo portrait for I have the certainty of your person.
Did he just call me a cretin? Fucker.
Now you are going to pay. I also decide to call him Steve from now one – for no particular reason other than it amuses me and I want to see if he will start signing his emails “Steve”.
My dear friend Steve-
I am not requiring anything you did not initially offer me. You asked if you should send me a photograph I said that would be fine - but you must meet my specifications or I shall not help you. If you send me the picture I ask - and ONLY if you send it - will I trust you are sincere and assist you in any way possible. Other wise Iwill believe that you are insincere!
I am not Chretienee - I am a member of the Faithfully United CoalitionKingdom of Terrestial Alliance - Royal Devision. I will not respond to any more of your emails until I recieve my picture.
That’ll teach him. well!
I included/understood well and I send finally the desired photograph to you.good God can assists you.I am persuaded that this time Ci I made well.I also believe that my letter of the morning will inspire to you so that our relation becomes increasingly deep. Steve
By golly I think Steve has a crush on me… Our relation becomes increasingly deep ya know. Kisses…. Oh – and cause I know you are DYING to see what he sent…
BWAAAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAA
But I’m not satisfied… Let’s see if we can get him to make his friends play dress up too….
Steve my love,
I am touched that you have responded so quickly - the only problem is that you did not include the sign I sent for you to hold. Therefore I cannot be sure the pictures you have sent are of you. You must understand - Anyone who has money must be cautious as to whothey deal with - people will come from all over - pretending to besincere... I regret that I now how to ask people for pictures ofthemselves in order to establish some trust. Also – can you please try to recruit new members. A tragedy occurred whist attaching the fallopian tubing to the shuttle. It exploded and two of our top engineers – Choo and Chu – were tragically killed by the falling ovum. Please include them in the picture too.I have reattached a copy for you to print and hold in your next photo.Please wear the hat and hold the sign so it can be clearly read... Ilook forward to doing business with you.
Read on people…
there, you will verez also my very near coollabarator and the others which are with us.I am persuaded that this time Ci I made well.
Your love Steven
HAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
I decide to kick up the weirdness.. See if you can spot my hidden sex-jokes….
Snoogie-oookie-oogles,
May I call you that? I feel so close to you now. I am glad to see you have recruited new members and they look so handsome in their ceremonial headgear. They are very big men I am glad to see.
I like a nice big member.
I feel much better now that you are all safe from the mind-reading powers of the government…
I never feel comfortable dealing with an unprotected member—sure – it’s not as spontanteous – and some people say it feels a little different – but protecting your member is definintely the way to go… Some people use lambskin.. or even latex I have heard.. I think aluminum foil adds to the excitement though.
You still did not display the sign though Snoogie-ookie-oogles.
Nanu-Nanu.
Over the weekend my friend Steve emailed me back:
Hello!
it is with many soufrance that I have just carried out this. I think that we arrived at the beautiful port as regards the photographs and hopes for a favorable continuation of your share.I have here with me my two memberships and other people who await the opening of your firm here in Congo RDC.
I have to admit - I am a little upset with Steven. However - my hurt was not as painful as it might have been had he not sent this:
JACKPOT
Hahahaha!!!!
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28 MARCH UPDATE:
Okay- so I had to take a few days off and when I returned I found a few emails from my friend Steve. I should add that I sent him a form to fill out before I left and told him he must print it out and fill it out by hand.. (I figure he can waste some money getting it scanned -- heh heh).
I am so happy to have received your pictures! I look forward to doing business with you now as do the rest of the memebers here at F.U.C.K.T.A.-R.D.
I did not realize until now what an attractive man you are. Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? If you do - she is a very very lucky woman.
Now what is it exactly you need from me?
Do you require some funds? If so - how much?
I will need all that information for our records ofcourse.I look forward to hearing from you.
Your Good Friend -Snoogles
I then sent him this:
Hi Snookies-
I hope you don't mind me calling you that. I feel like we are friends now!
Anyhow- I have spoken with the FUCKTARD members and we have decided to send you the money you have requested.
I will be going away on buisiness and will not be able to be reached for a bit - but I will email you as soon as I return. Please fill out the form I attached which will allow you to get the money you requested as SOON AS POSSIBLE.
I would like to have itsubmitted before I leave- this means you will get your money in THREE DAYS.
Please fill out the form BY HAND - do not type!!!! Please scan and email me the form immediately.
Love -BooBoo Bear
I recieved this when I returned:
Boo-Bo,
I undoubtedly believe you in good health; you as well as the other members of our coalition by which I am the junior. My greeting with all the members no matter what I did not see it yet but I have hope to see them whether early that you will return the easy task to me. Allow me that I you nickname and do not want me in the name of love."My love", I want now that you actually say to me and to put itself at clear what is our coalition, its objectives; i.e. of what FUCTARD consists, which made FUCTARD and what a is its processes finally, which must I do!!?! Because here I must recruit the members."My heart" you know that I love you so much!!?! I promises to you is not to disappoint itself and you will see my fidelity towards you.I want to make kinds which you would be really at ease and which you feel as if you were with the angels. I am in waiting of known as the amount of money so that I submit a report of to you what I shoed. And I learns to you that I sui in impatience to receive it and to see you opposite. I will like to reproduce our FUCTARD exactly as that is on your premise and than one day, when you come here in RDC CONGO, you feels as at home; then, that your explanations are clear in that. With regard to the amount, I fixed a price which you will be able yourself either to reduce or to increase because I did not want to take too much of it to you so that you do not tax me as an avarice but which you feel that much more money shoed than our coalition or a solid organization extremely and powerful here in our country and I of it am able to return it thus.If the means are really not solid then you include/understand the continuation... Please become and would be my heart!!!!
Here, I dared to fill it then you to send it on the email. that you like it to accept it thus. I count on you. but me little where you say will leave so that can you miss me during a time? I will miss you I ensure you. but evryday thinks of me of your heart. I send it to you by an enclosure. I have write an amount but if that exceeds you, then send the amount which seems to you good. your heart
I am not sure what the hell that says. The important part is that he attached my questionaire:
In case you can't read it - here are the questions and answers (in italics) - if it is not posted yet- give me a bit- the program I use to post images is screwed up...
1. Full Name: XXXXXXXXXXXX (which by the way is not the same as ANY name he has given me.
2. Date of Birth: 06/08/1974
3. Age: 31
4. Shoe Size: 41.5 or 42
5. Tastes Great or Less Filling? Tastes great.
6. Do you believe in Aliens? YES
7. Have you ever seen Uranus? NO
8. Have you ever touched Uranus? NO
9. Do you think astronauts should be able to explore Uranus? YES
10. What donation do you require: $25,000
11. Are you still thinking about Uranus? Not really
12. Is Uranus dirty? No
13. What address would you like your donation sent to? Western Union Bank of RDC Congo
14. What will you use the donation for? Because firstly I want to employ that for the insallation of a branch of FUCTARD here in RDC Congo and to help the orphan and widow of the wars and to show to advance my studies.
I hearby swear that I am a complete FUCKTARD and Space Cadet. I also pledge my absolute loyalty to the inhabitants of Uranus. Nanu Nanu.
HEY - Check out my Trophy in 419 Eater :)
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UPDATE:
hello chery!! why then silence? your silence returns much sick pet to me
Oh yeah? And your grammar makes me sick.... So we are even.
I was away for a few days so I had to come up with an explanation. I forgot I told him earlier that I was be away on business... Eh- I made something up...
Please excuse my silence- there was a tragic death in F.U.C.K.T.A.R.D. I had to attend services in his home state and see to the proper burial. We had to arrange his ashes to be sentinto space and I just returned this morning.
He sent that twice so I figured i would grace him with two emails. I had a new idea about what to do with him at this point - I decided to start spinning the web....
And yes, I am now just randomly calling him things....
Snoogles,
As I mentioned I have submitted your documents to the advisorycommittee of FUCKTARD. They will be meeting this week to discuss your proposal.
I will go to the meeting and give my okay for the money to be sent to you. I have also spoken with some friends of mine who areon the committee as well - I have convinced them to vote "YES" for your project. I believe we will be sucessful in getting your your monies - so let me congratulate you on all your efforts.
The only possible problem I see is that two of the members on the committee are against your proposal. They have been a problem in thepast - but I should have enough people on our side to okay the proposal. I will keep you posted.When we get the approval - how can I send the money to you? Western Union will not allow a transfer of $25000. Can you come up to our regional office to pick up the money? (If you do - DO NOT FORGET YOUR protective headgear!!!!)
I can also come down to deliver the funds directly to you if that is easier. Can you meet me at the Airport? What airport is close to you?
Okay- here is my plan. I am thinking two possibilities...
1. I convince him to pick me up at an airport near him. But he has to wear the foil-hat AND a foil shirt- or perhaps bowtie... I like dressing up all formal and shit...
2. OR he can come fly up to me where I will promptly have him beaten by thugs.
What I am not doing however is sending him so much as a penny. Not even one that fell in the toilet.
Oh!! my heart!!I brule desiresde to see you whether vousle knew!!here in do RDC Congo the races resoivent the large one going up more than what I asked by transfers on WESTERN UNION it is easy!? how you say thus?by WESTERN UNION it soufit of going deposer the known as sum and with a password and this password you it to as early communicate as you send the sum by email and me to me I will irrai to withdraw it. Bah!! if can come, there to come in RDC CONGO our in airport, you to give me all the precise details possible i.e. the date, the day of arrived, the destination of the plane and the hour of arrived and you will see me present spirit to await you. I love you much you know it??!!!I a word of your share waits which goes given me the koie and to be made the goose flesh yours
WHAT? Can we say that in a language not only understood by rare species of ferns?
Oooh I have a new idea too!
My Adoring Nutsack,
The problem is that Western Union will only allow transfers up to$2000.
So in order to send you the $25,000 I would have to send 13 different money orders which would not be convenient. Is there an airport nearby you? I would love to fly down there to seehow your recruiting of new members is coming... Do you think I shouldfly down there to bring you the money? I have always wanted to visit Africa... Especially where Woodstock was held! (You know.. with all the hippos and stuff...) AS for your money - the $25,000: The committee will meet on your proposal FRIDAY April 1, 2005. - whichis rather annoying. Due to the death of our founder - which I mentioned - they had to push back meetings and now are trying to catch up. I am trying to convince them to meet THURSDAY instead. I hate that you have to wait for the money you so deserve!!!! I will let you know.I have not heard good things about the donation though. The two members who I said were a problem have convinced the comittee that you are not sincere. I told them that you were and I reminded them how you filled out the forms needed AND sent me the required picture. I toldthem you are HONEST!I don't know if they believe me though. (spin spin spin) It might be helpful if you found some land which to establish a center where FUCKTARDS from all around could come and learn about space travel. I realize this might involve travel and some expense on your part - but if you do this - I can reimburse you for any money you spent. This will convince the committee that you are totally serious and honest about recruiting members. This is what I was thinking:
Find a location for sale
Bring a few members with you
Make a HUGE banner (a bed sheet with the phrase "WE ARE PROUD TO BE FUCKTARDS - NOW AND FOREVER! painted on it would be perfect!!)
Go to the land and take a few pictures of you and your friends o nthe land we will purchase and send them to me
DO NOT FORGET TO WEAR YOUR MIND PROTECTION HATS!
DO NOT FORGET TO LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY YOU SPENT DOING THIS so we can reimburse you.
You will not need to fill out another form -just let me know and I will pay you out of my personal account. So long as it is less than $2000 I can western union it the same day yousend me the pictures.
Your Clingon Warrior
There is NO WAY he will fall for this but it's worth a shot.
He responds with this email -- break out your Rosetta Stone-- you'll need it.
BOOBOO! Hello!!Yesterday after reflexion, j’ai thought this if can you like that: Know that apart from our coalition, me and you we develop already d’autres affinities which we must hold account. I think that if one has together you will see which is l’attachement and l’importance that I give you and the serious one that j’ai for our coalition. Me, are my concern c’est you and which your concern? I want to see at all costs you except that I miss the means really oh my cœur. I feel in my cœur as if one day I tightened near you. True Es what c’est? I even wish that you comes here where you m’appelle where you are for qu’on sees and qu’on speaks itself but alas!! I believe that you delays so that our association is established here in Congo RDC???? why? For better sending l’argent and to circumvent the obstacles of l’union Western, you m’envoies that by section of 5000$ or 2000, 3000$ to see even of 10000$ for facility transfers them. And always by WESTERNE UNION but you will be able to program one day when you can come to visit us and visit also l?association which tightened already installed here. I dream the day when I will see you with my eyes oh! What a joy!?! What a embrace! I tien so that our coalition is represented here with rather than possible, because the members are already there but the funds for startings is missing to us. Quickly assistance us quickly satisfied me so that the things goes well. J’attends impatiently your continuation and a word d’amour of your share. L’homme which will make your joy in one very close moment. I t’aime so much my booboo. I feel with the angels when I read you on email.your love JP KABWE
Froogle-noodles,
It is hard for me to understand what you write - I cannot send morethan $2000 by Western Union - I contacted them and they would not letme send more than that amount.I am happy to hear that you are well and that you will take the new FUCKTARD members to find some land for us! You do not need to bringall 25 members you found though! 4 or 5 will be plenty and will surelymake the committee happy and they will have no choice but to agree tothe $35,000 you asked for. I know you initially wanted only $25,000but I have submitted some paperwork to get you an extra $10,000 tohelp you with the initial fees for the land purchasing.I will also be sending you some new paperwork to fill out because inthe United States we must pay taxes on this sort of thing and I willneed some information. I will also need some forms filled out for outrecords but only after the committee has given the OK to yourrequests.OH! The Committee has agreed to allow me to travel to RDC Congo tohand deliver the funds after they are approved! How wonderful!I love you with all my being BooBoo
My BooBoo!! great kiss with you!!I am me as very delighted by read you and see as you must know now who must be make. I very did not include/understand very well when you say that you ' will send a card to be supplemented if I it includes/understands well is what still with the Juste? but of all that I am toujour close bus I had promised the fidelity at all point to you can that I love you. you know if you loves somebody is something, you must do everything for watch which you really like. I want to know well; they already authorized you to come where they will do it after the known as meeting? and if you will come in person, when then your to arrive? you must give me all the precise details so that I prepare you know yourself that in RDC CONGO there is instability sécuritère or safety is really null and without guarantee. do of tone better and send initially something so that I organize a siege or I can already function and or the members will be able to come already to see the preconditions and how afronter realities of CONGO for facility good an advance of FUCTARD with your arrived. clarifies me well you do not say 25 members but 4 is 5??? so yes OK!! you can send to me that even by your own expenses between 500$ is more according to you. you fetes not too much disturbance because I know that you as like me but know as me I love you more. my and my love you know that at life is hard and that all costs flesh extremely!!?! believe me even email that I come toujour to make you costs me too flesh. I only spend more 5$ per 40 munites and yet I suffer much. that is to say tojour precis to avoid my expenditure please how! accounts you to really live with me?? let me know please so that I know it at the bottom.your heart jp
He is complaining because he has to pay to use the computer--- gotta pay to play babaloopie...
I just keep up with the new names for him - I could call him Yeasty-tampon and I think he would be okay with it....
Noodlesoup!
You make me smile reading your email.
I know it is hard to understand each other so let me try to make a list of what we need to do next. When you answer or if you have a question - refer to the number so I know what you mean okay?
1. In order to help speed up the receipt of money - you should take3-4 members that you recruited- (the men in the picture you sent willbe perfect) to a site where we can propose to build the FUCKTARDcenter in RDC CONGO.
2. Make a nice BIG sign which reads "PROUD TO BE FUCKTARDS AND SPACECADETS" (make sure you spell it right darling- you have be making amistake - it is NOT FUCTARD - it is FUCKTARD... :)
3. Send me a picture of this immediately so I can pass it on to the committee.
The reason this is important is that if they see you are verydedicated - you will have the total sum of $35,000 by WEDNESDAY, the 6 of April so can start the FUCKTARD center. If we do not recieve the picture before the meeting - you might have to wait a little longer.
4. The committee has authorized me - if we receive the photo - to send you five Western Union Transfers of $2000 each (totalling $10,000) andthen to bring to you in person $25,000.
So PLEASE PLEASE hurry andsend me the picture.
Do not forget - this is what needs to be in thepicture:- AT LEAST 4 NEW FUCKTARD MEMBERS ALL WEARING THE SPECIAL ALUMINUM FOIL HATS- A LARGE BANNER SAYING "PROUD TO BE FUCKTARDS AND SPACE CADETS" --MAKE SURE IT CAN BE EASILY READ AND IS SPELLED CORRECTLY- TAKE THE PICTURE AT THE PLACE WHERE YOU WILL START THE NEW FUCKTARD CENTER- EMAIL IT TO ME IMMEDIATELYIf you have a phone number I can reach you at I can call you as soonas I receive the photo - I will then take it to the committee andcall you back as soon as they approve the transfer. Then I will go to Western Union and make FIVE $2000 transfers to you - totalling $10,000US Dollars. You will go pick up the transfers and call me back assoon as you receive them. We can then make plans for me to meet you in RDC Congo.
Come on dammit - send me my picture!!!
Large BooBoo câlin!
!It is with a heart full with eagerness to see you that I am held in front of this machine to give you some ideas which will be able to help you with carrying out well what you want to make for me your pet. I know that you will not want me make it that I have say that to you. I know that you must have too prejudices in my connection because before you had thought that I was a scam but that gradually you started to see clear and believe what I am. Know that I can also be a channel of the blessings for your business. I can be an opening of the new horizons of your business. I can beings one walked on so that you make deals such as: diamonds, gold cobalt, coppers green heart.... And the list continuous here in RDC and Africa in general. I learns to you in advance that the RDC our beautiful country is among the countries of dream, a country where there are discoveries there is the pretty full one, valley, source of water, diamonds, gold, copper, cobalt, zinc magnesium, green diamond, wood greens, okapi, parks with warps kind of animals, the lakes, the large forests, of wide fertile... you tightened with the roof of yourself. All that I want, it is your heart...!! Include/understand to me BooBoo.!! I want to also to render very a service you if you confidence in me has. For our FUCTARD I reassure you that you never tightened disappointed if that only depends only on me. I have much initiative for our FUCTARD but (money) I miss the means. I want to show you that; there are men but as there are such men as can put to you very at ease which you can believe it. I reflected for your voyage and I want to say to you that you must very take precautions before coming here in RDC because our country is full with surprised incredible disorders, the war, banditism, Maffia, not respect of human right. And especially that if you have money, you risks to even lose that with the airport. Then pay attention while taking many precautions for the protection of all that you will be able to have and of yourself. Say me then, on when your arrival?il to give well me all the details and all the precision so that I would be alerted. As I do not have anything, do something so that I would not be in the embarrassment at the time of your arrival. And it is necessary also that I start to sensitize the recrus and to join together them at a well defined place. Thus that requires also something. You can if that like to you to send to me can be is two mandants sum and to come you even with the remainders for when you tightened there, you find already something such as the ground or other things. If not what what you go filmed to bring on your premise like proof!!? Darling, I will like that would be concrete for you and to be done too much go and come on the email because this costs me really flesh, it is not as at where you have the Net in your room. When you come do not forget to carry me a computer and small gifts of love ofour friendship. Save time so that I always do not return to the Net each time.
Your heart JP KABWE
Awwwww I'm moved up to LARGE BOOBOO... He has no idea that we are talking a GIANT BOOBOO (on his part at least....)
Hmm he wants a computer. SURE thing. I'll get him the top of the line computer... Hell - I'll buy it straight from Bill Gates himself...
Well! I have just read you and me as I see as we include ourselves/understand at all! I can find a place but how to make the streamer because, the decorator should be paid? to also pay papers alimunuim?! all that is this sum worth 240$ where will aurrai? then help me by your clean expenses!! then you will be able to tap it when the known as sum will leave! I do not have anything I ensure you. I am at the end of me even. include/understand to me my love! thus I see that all will become difficult then for me you must now take your responsability because, me I have make the mien. I always love you and for always I tightened to you subjected in all my life.
your love JP
He keeps saying he loves me.. I wonder if he forgot I was supposed to be a guy? And $240 for foil??? Talk about a serious markup!!!! But hey - he "tightened to me".
You would like a computer? I think we can do that. I will go tomorrowwhen I have time and pick you out a good one.I very much need you to send the picture I requested - the committeewill not approve the funds unless they have it.
Love ya!
I was bored and thought he might have needed some more incentive to get those pictures...
Bubble-trumps
I miss you!I went and bought you a nice laptop computer! I couldnt wait until tomorrow. I found a nice suit for you as well! You will look so handsome in it!Dont forget to send the picture - I just heard from the committee andthey will agree to the money as soon as they receive the picture and my promise that we will build a FUCKTARD center in CONGO
Apparently the idea of me buying him a computer got him all excited because........
I'll write him back when I stop laughing....
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Well - it's Monday and I haven't managed to come up with anything suitable for my laddie to do now. I am about finished with this scam and it seems kinda anticlimatic just ignoring him until he goes away. Plus I want him to know why I wasted his time.
He seems to be getting nervous- he send me MORE pictures -- totally on his own!
I am not going to include his emails - they are beyond comprehension at this point.
I particularly like the one with the pointed hats and holding hands -- reminds me of The Seven Dwarfs - well - okay- five dwarfs.
And my favorite - It's Dopey, Dopey, Dopey, Dopey and Dopey.
I decided to send him some more forms to fill out. He is so stupid - I accidently sent him a few of the same page and he just kept filling them out.. He skipped two pages though - I yelled at him and made him resend them.. Haven't gotten them yet.
Page 1 - COMPLETED
Page 2 - COMPLETED
Page 3 - COMPLETED
Page 4 - COMPLETED
Page 5 - COMPLETED
Thanks to the good folks at www.419eater.com for making up these forms :)
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(ADDED 11 APRIL)
For the heck of it I decided to add some of my Lads emails:
hello chery!!
how is your health?
I podes questions for your silence of this gods days. why silence? how you had the photographs or not? how long until must I wait? you know that I miss you much. the new members always ask me for the day of the beginning of FUCKTARD!! what do I have to say? how, you sent my computer?
JP
I don't know who the hell JP is but that is how he is signing his emails at the moment.
Hi my love-knob
Sorry I could not reach you - as I mentioned I would not be here thisweekend. I am prepared to send you the FIVE $2000 transfers and thendeliver you the remaining $25000 in person.Due to the high amount of transfers I wish to send and because of pastterrorist activities in the US - Western Union now requires specialforms when sending money out of the country.I have attached the forms for you to fill out.They MUST be hand-written - typed will not be accepted.Send them soon so I can get you the money quickly my darling meat-truncheon!
(Those are the forms above which I am referring to.)
I send the copies of the western to you which you sent. if you enters in pocession of copies, I by telephone calls which I know JPI send the copies of the western to you which you sent. if you enters in pocession of copies, I by telephone calls which I know
JP
I hope you are still around-You did not answer the question: Will the money be used forinternational terrorism - this has to be filled out or Western Unionwill not accept the transfer.You also did not fill out two pages - I have resent them for you. Sendthem back as soon as possible!!!I will be checking my email every hour or so - the moment I get theforms I will drive to Western union and send you the $10,000 -- five$2000 transfers.
my love,I come from send the copies which I have corrig and you, you only will print them and to supplement with the copies that you have djà labas and you will do nothing but take what is correct and convenient for you and you will give them. but why too of the formality?I do not know why you do not answer me with my many questions. it is comode that I know malgre all your true name and our numro of telephone?! not. I want to also see your photograph where you are alone?!! not! is what it is a major problem???? how I will saurrai it nobody whom I have so much like?! I love you, I still say it!! make tone very better so that today I can netre in possession of this money!! eh!! also say me to when your arrives here? you sent my PC or not?!! I am really press to see you opposite! you want? how you me aprouves!! I never had a deep peace as when I read you... how the others have authorize that Fucktard-rdc CONGO either establishes? make me a sign so that I sache.je want also the details for the good unfolding of FUCKTARD RDC. I ensure you that I really lost all my economies to arrive at this if I can calculate since the beginning; I have depense nearly 240$+84$+17$+15$.. include/understand the continuation for a young person of Africa pauvreaides me so that I can go aprendre English in the center americain. 50$ per month so that I can have the facility to communicate with you.your heart JP
Gaaaa-what? Honestly - at this point I really stopped reading his emails for the most part and just sort of skimmed them.
great kiss my chery! how are you?be that I you derrange!!?!can that my letters exceed hold them.so really you go that I you dérrange can I write much, it always should be said to me. here, all the members of FUCKTARD ask to me whether with when the opening and the beginning of activities icic with Congo rdc. me, I do not have anything with their statement if not your news which strengthens them. how I am always in waiting of the transfere and the password for I can go to withdraw the sum so that the things begin here on our premises.I believe that I am not made préssion but it is the love which brulle in my heart.I am a little suffering I went to the hospital and they have say to me that I need 10 picure of quinine is the two days perfusion. tomorrow, I will come to see email to read you and can be I want to go to make me perfuser. that is to say I calls on my portable: XXXXXXXXXXX the love that I have towards you, depasse the fidelity and the obeissance.I love you so much JP
Oh! my chery! if you were with close to me, the sky was going to feel that I love you; if I can see you my thirst will be able to finish here; if you were a flower, I was going to put to you at disappointed my bed; if you knew how I love you, you were going to seek to see me but I hope for that it will aurra one day, oh! this day there... your heart
chery,to send to me as your number of telephone as I know it and also how my business of the computer? you know that there is much which one owe speaks but as if you are a little slow!!?! esites not do not go y I am with you chery like me like such and you will not saras in the deception. I want to listen to your voice I want that you me telephones I want to see FUCKTARD starting here as early as possible if not I am likely to lose the members whom I had because, they are flesh for me races which have study races of value.
your heart and your bed JP
chery,
to send to me as your number of telephone as I know it and also how my business of the computer? you know that there is much which one owe speaks but as if you are a little slow!!?! esites not do not go y I am with you chery like me like such and you will not saras in the deception. I want to listen to your voice I want that you me telephones I want to see FUCKTARD starting here as early as possible if not I am likely to lose the members whom I had because, they are flesh for me races which have study races of value.
your heart and your bed JP
(His bed? Ewwwwwwww. I'm nauseous.)
By the way my darling - tomorrow is my birthday - i wish you were hereto celebrate it with me... If it is not too much trouble would yousend a picture of yourself with a sign saying "Happy Birthday" I wouldlove it so very much and I could keep the picture with me!
certainly but let us see a little, or are your images which I requested from the semi-day? Oh!! I wish you quite simply "merry anniversary" and want that you send your image to me and you will have this time it mine! I want to prepare it very well as of tomorrow and you will have Sunday morning of it is Monday... you know besides that I love you so much and you do not have to torment yourself on our love!!! you will have the photograph but please to me also send to me your photograph as of leture of this email. you are in which city and which State so that I know it too me. your N° phon!! I is with a member of FUCKTARD here with me, it is him which is my vice direct besides. it please ensure itself if the business is really real or not!! therefore, you must make with haste so that our FUCKTARD/RDC commene already to be functioned how then you delay!!??!! I kiss you!! your pet JP
My darling you know that I love you braucoup and at the time of your aniverssaire; I wish you happy anniversary and that the Master of the spirits give you the force and the joy in life a long time that possible. I want to see what I can send to you like chart but by Monday or Tuesday. if you were at my side; one was going to leave with the peak-NIC into two to celebrate into two. for our history of transfere; I did not include/understand well how to fill this code but I have in spite of make and if it is ok then make with the hates chery so that I have this sum for tomorrow bus; it is necessary that I pay the ground that you saw with the photo bus; there is another person which want to take it and one me it A say that yesterday evening. if this does not pass; then quickly get information about "MONEY GRAM" him with the moin it is not like WESTERN UNION; it is quickly without much the condition with close to at home and send quickly so that I aquitte invoice of the ground please. I want at the hospital and the evening I want to come to check the continuation which the angels embrace you and which you me dreams during your anniversaryyour love JP
The form was not filled in correctly - but if it is okay with you I> will fill it in for you and then just sign your name on it? This way I> can take the forms to Western Union and tranfer the money to you. It> will be easier that way.> Thank you for the birthday wishes! I am so excited to get the Happy> Birthday picture!!!! (Do not forget the aluminum foil hat-- I want to> make sure you are protected when you take the picture....)> I have enclosed a picture of me that I took recently
Here's "ME" -- okay - not really. And no- your computer did load the picture correctly - I just decided to chop it up a bit to protect the innocent person whose picture it really was... Nice job huh? :)
Hello my BooBoo!! I you undoubtedly believe in good health can that you have just celebrated your anniversary. Me also I you wish happy and merry anniversary. But me a little you say have just added up how years?!! Me I had say to you that I am 31 years old and you then?!! Here but photographs and I believe you will appreciate them and say to me if you is content or not! How then our business of basic transfer? Must I release the members can that they are spirit of me requested the continuation of the things and they are in a hurry to see FUCKTARD in action and operation. I am really ébouilli of this history of basic transfer and that returns to me sick. Well! I have just finished the meetings of the hospital (perfusion) and I go well. I lost in this history of the hospital with approximately of 185$ and I regret it much. I wanted to know so really you like me at the bottom of your heart where you cheeks of me!???! Really you take to me in heart where not!! I love you cherished as you know it in advance and I will always love you, for me, it is you who accounts initially!! I will like to see your last precise details on the transfer where one does what! Why the silence and why too much of go and come. It has been already three weeks that all that leaves paper papers of the enclosures in enclosures. Your love JP KABWE
SCORE!!!!!! Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me.....
It's almost too easy at this point.
He sent me this after:
PLEASE
if it you plai, you can telephone to me on my portable where on XXXXXXXXXX and there you will have somebody whom you can leave the méssages and him it will say to me but if not make quickly we are already about to lose the ground that we consider good in placement for our FUCKTARD. the propriètaire has just given me 5 days for payment and liquidation of expenses. darling if it to take care you to more to write me on XXXXXXX.
He has five days huh? Bummer.
I have to come up with a suitable ending for this. I need to ruin someone elses day... I have been bating him for almost a month now.
Thank you for the picture my sweet tubahead.I will be sending you the first payment tomorrow morning. Due to thelarge amount of money that I will be sending I will pay a little extrato the WU people to keep our transaction secret - only you will beable to pick up the money. The pass phrase will be "Houston, We have aproblem" for the first transfer. It's a famous quote from the space program.
I might send him on a wild goosechase to WU. I mentioned "paying a little extra" because when I "send" the money I want to be able to tell him that it cannot be checked online for security measures.
I'll keep you posted...
----------
UPDATED: 12 APRIL
I received this email
Thank you cherished for my love, you say what?!!
I want to go to withdraw the sum but when you say: I will send the first payment tomorrow to you morning this want to say which day? can how the hours or the days of in and of different us and you we have a variation of + or less - 8 hours of time thus when me I write to you here, at compared to YN it makes 3 hours but any way, I want to leave with the WU you must send to me the password with the ten figures of transfer so that I enter in pocession of the sum and I can quickly go to pay to the ground my darling please!! I am afraid to miss this ground there because, it is well placed and when you come you will see it today remainders in contatect and quickly send to me an email with all the data which I have just described quickly can call me so that I can go to read the email and to leave for WU. I remain very discrete and to lay out well all the day. that the flowers fall on your head and that our love and coalition lasts a long time that possible...
your heart JP KABWE
Ooops. I suppose that was a little vague wasn't it. Silly me.
Since I am assuming this scam will end soon I will no longer be editing out names and crap like that - it's blatently obvious my lad is completely daft.
Anyhow- a few minutes later my dearest sends me this email:
darling I tightened with the cyber around 15 hour and with YN it will be 9 hour then at I do not know because I do not know your State or you live but take as reference hour of YN. I want to wait your calls so that I can read the email because, truths details must be done on email. just to have the 10 a number or figures for the transfer as I have already the password which is "HOUSTON, WE CUTS A PROBLEM". but for momment I leaves to see the property of the ground for him to say that I want to pass from momment to the other so q' it calms myself and awaits me.
JP
A-DUH... He can't even repeat a five word sentence correctly. No bother though - I've decided to throw a new wrench in the gears. One which should get my lad in a tizzy.
I am a little concerned.
Let me explain why. I just had another person email me telling me that you are not my dearest Snoogles! What is going on? They said to check your email address and they were right -it has changed! The other person emailing me says that they are Mbao.The other man says that he is the REAL Mbao and that you have stolen his password to his email and have been sending me the pictures he has taken for me!
Tell me this is not true!
I will NOT send you any money until I am sure you are my dearest. That money is for him - NOT for some imposter and I will not allow you to do this to him! If you are my dearest I hope you forgive me - I want to make sure you get the money and no one else -if you are some fake - YOU WILL NOT GET A DIME - I WILL ONLY SEND THE MONEY TO MY LOVE SO YOU CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH A GOAT!
I want PROOF that you are in fact my darling...I am sending this EXACT email to the other person and we will see who is the true one and who is a lying sack of cow dung.
Okay - so there was no other person.. Yet. I just figure this should be good to squeeze a few more pictures of him proving that he is the real Mbao.
#####################
UPDATED 14 APRIL
I decided to give Mbao a few days to digest this one. He went into a email frenzy and sent me the following:
hello my heart:
I see whereas the sincerity and the fidelity are not in the heart of the human being but I thought in you a woman which had character of that that I like; how you changed so quickly and to have pretensions on me? for what you don't rely on me? or you wanted simply to amuse the galery? maintaining the members whom I had go treated me of what? and does the property of the ground go treated me like which? all these questions return in my head and I really smell myself rudiculized. but in your heart you know that I like you without intérret and that I had you obéï dépuis but what I thought of being with you starts to evaporate! why? if you believe that the money or the our beautiful FUCKTARD goes divided us then we let us can see different things for considering which we remain me and you together!!?! eh! I had say to you and I say to you that it is well me JP KABWE Me BAO which you know the address and all the remainders of coordonées but you me always do not believe that want that I make so that you can believe me? today, I send certain evidence for you to you know that it is well me I am really afflicted and if it were you whom will be your conclusion??? eh!! but that my love testifies to me that my fidelity returns to me right towards you. I request pet, lapse of memory from you the lie and see the future.
I think that you need me not!! JP
he sent me about 4 copies of that. And then:
darling for your silence today? that what does not go say me cherished because, I make you large kiss on your neck your heart JP
Gaaaaaaa - HORRORS. He also sent me another picture.
I decided to push my luck and see how far I could get Mbao to go...
I am still trying to determine who is lying.
I want to make sure my love is the one who receives the money. I cannot risk sending it to the wrong person.
I have been in deep mediation with the cosmos and have asked the stars and the planets whom I should trust. I am sending this email to both Mbao's - one of you two is lying. To whomever is the imposter - please stop this. You will not receive the money - this I promise you. Both of you have sent me pictures of "you" obviously the fake has gotten access in the real Mbao's email.
After meditating for two days - the planets lead me to the only possible solution. here it is:
Both of you must get a new email address - hotmail, yahoo, whatever. You must take a NEW picture of yourself and email it to me immediately. The first person to send the picture must be the true Mbao - since he would obviously have access to the picture first. The imposter would not have the picture.
See? The fake is soon to be discovered...
You MUST email me immediately after taking the picture. I cannot risk the fake getting the picture.
Now- to the picture -
In FUCKTARD when we induct new members we have a very special ceremony. I had looked forward to when I would go to the Congo and conduct the ceremony with my love in person with many members present- from the congo and from members here. I realize that constructing the complete foil suit our men wear is not practical because it might be hard to get that much foil - here wehave plenty of it... I believe that foil shorts or pants - which ever is easiest - can substitute for the traditional suit (however - when the real ceremony is conducted my real love must wear the full suit-which we will provide for him.)
The photo MUST be clear- I MUST be able to see your face. DO notattempt to send me a fake picture - experts here will verify that no alterations have been done to the photo. You must also have your arms reaching for the heavens and the stars -this symbolizes our desire to travel to space. Of course- the hat mustbe worn. I will not reply to any emails unless they have the picture attached.I will not even OPEN any email that does not have an attachment to it.
To my real love - I know you will come forth - hurry.
To the imposter - you willl be found.
Keep checking - I'll keep you posted.
--------
UPDATE 18 APRIL
I received this back from Mbao:
My darling kiss,
I just come by the present one to say to you that I have make very to obtain what you asked to satisfy your wish. I believe that you see me well and that any doubt or braking in the our beautiful FUCKTARD will fall and I want to be able to see you coming here in RDC Congo quickly for I can travel in space. But, you must to initially say me if you still like me. Another explanation you will have that tomorrow but for the moment I am really to exhaust can that I am to go to seek the photograph far from on our premises can that one stole my numerical camera day before yesterday evening. I await you to see my darling here. For the ground, I believe that all will go better but since then, I am not more to go it low. Help me because, I lost much to have your love.
Here is the picture he sent.
Totally wrong - no foil pants... He is going to get a nice email yelling at him for screwing up.
-----
UPDATE 19 APRIL
I sent Mbao another email voicing my discontent at what he sent:
1. I cannot see your face - I clearly specified that you needed tomake sure your face was visible so I could compare this picture to theones I have received before.
2. You MUST wear the foil pants. It is an insult that I asked this of you and you ignored me.I have been promised by the other Mbao that he is sending the picture as soon as he gets his camera to work. Once I receive it - I will begoing to Western Union. If I do not receive a picture from either of you before the end of theweek - I will forget the whole thing- I am very upset by this! I spent so much time trying to get the funds for the center- I told eveyone about the wonderful person I met and now i look like a fool.
Okay - maybe I don't look like a fool as much as some people do... But still.. I'm hurt... Really... ::Sniffle::
Mbao realizing that the possible fruit of his labor is rapidly molding and getting all wormy - send me two emails:
my pet and my heart!! Good I rise early to make you this small missive. And I undoubtedly believe you in good health like that of tone cherished here in RDC. If I tien to write to you as I had it to you say yesterday when I had sent the photograph, it is to make right you certain detail and to also say my concerns. Here what I can say to you in a few words so that you know and that we can fixed ideas correctly: I have let a meticulous analysis for a long time to know the person whom I love and to see whether it takes to me with serious and if itself is serious! Good! I ended up having a word of head and migraines on me!
and now that you have evidence of my photograph with the hands in top you believe alor!?! I had say to you that it is me and L does not have there an other mbao, you believe? proclamations your joy and that I know it please.
Veiled the cause which me thorough is not to send the photograph from the start but to delay and I put myself to make you old photographs and documents; it was right to see you make me and if you will trust me with long.
I notice that you do not trust me at all, but I t'en request, exchanges of opinion and make me confidence would be on I would never disappoint that believe me can that I am sincere. For me, it is to pass the remainder of my life with you and here in RDC, we are in waiting of tone come to see your person! Eh! And the members importunes me much about our the beautiful one. How you want to make fade our participation in the coalition!?! Come here and we will see you and we will be delighted on your subject. In seen your favorable continuation on the purchase of the ground, I will see whether this sold or not, or will buy another who at very close side. Is another thing the photograph which had sent to me, you had not seen that it was not a photograph which somebody cannot entrust? Send to me a photograph worthy of is and which can be worthy of confidence. Your address, the city of which you live, your State, your telephone number, your true name. This constitute the elements reliable to make somebody confidence such as me I have do it!?! I want really to travel in space as you gave me the taste but it is you who delays!?! Come quickly to facilitate the spot to me to do it!!!
As is space? like one travels?. At the time of your email to pass you had to again make me jacket and others this wants to say that I want to have another equips special for myself!!Oh! It is good! Then I want that you make quickly send the money we will buy a ground as soon as the money is delivered so that you comes quickly.
Blah blah blah - send me my damn picture...
How can I trust you when I am receiving emails just like this one fromthe other Mbao???? I cannot tell who is the true person I have come to love!!! I feel like a FOOL. A damn fool!
I dont know if this is some kind of a joke to hurt me - but it is working.. I am hurt by this. Why will you just not send the picture I ask? Are you ashamed? Embarrassed?? How can you be when you say that you understand and believe in FUCKTARD??? This hurts me more than anything.
Send me the picture of you in the cemermonial foil pants or shorts and I will send you the money you need to start the FUCKTARD center within24 hours. If I do not have the picture in 2 days I will no longer respond or read your emails ever again.
I am so hurt Mbao.
:(
See? I put a little frowny face-- that means I must really be hurt...
------
UPDATE: 28 APIRL
Okay- so apparently I pushed Mbao too far. He sent me a few emails rambling about who the hell knows what and stuck in some pictures he already sent.
I did not respond at all. I figured I could smoke him out by ignoring him.
Apparently Mbao gave up on me.
I was going to let this scam die but ya know- I missed the little scammer.
I decided to resurrect this by throwing in a little twisty-poo.
Enter Ms. Rosetta Stone.
Her emails will be in PINK - just in case I decide to make an appearance as Ms. Walker again....
Dear Mr. Mboa,
I regret to inform you that Ms. Walker has left our foundation and is no longer a member. I also regret to tell you that she apparently also left with $320,000 of the foundation's money. No one seems to know where she is. We have checked her computer and have seen your correspondence with her.
I don't know how to tell you this - but she never submitted any information about you to the committee. She just used the information that you passed on to forge paperwork for a pretend person in Lagos. We found some emails between her and and some individual in Nigeria who it seems she fell in love with.
The two of them used all your information and paperwork to get $45,000 which was supposed to be used to start a center in Lagos. I hate to be the one to tell you this but I felt you should know.
Please let me know if there is anything we can do to help.
Sincerely
Ms. Rosetta Stone
Chief Spectral Officer
F.U.C.K.T.A.R-D.
VT Division
I also decided to attach one of the pictures Mbao sent with a little alteration courtesy of Scamtech and Stealth fellow 419-baiters. They replaced Mbao head with a differnt lad's head...
ORIGINAL:
ALTERED:
*snork snork*
I figured that ought to really annoy him. Not only did his "victim" bail out on him, she took $320,000 - $45,000 of which was supposed to go to him. Let's not forget that she used his pictures and changed them so she and her "lover" could get the cash.Me thinks he was probably punching a wall at that point.
OKAY. SO!
Mbao recieves this bit of info and is understandably perturbed:
thank you Madam
but I then to say to you that this woman me A make gone in a way which I cannot to you now say but it that I put all the evidence and tomorrow I then to write to you. of paced, I am a president of a group of races and we had had contact with it because we wanted that FUCKTARD is installed here in RDC CONGO and very organized but it swindled us and we are in the strong regret in the life. tomorrow that I have one of reason to make you the email.
JP
The following day, this is recieved - if you skim - which I am assuming you will - make sure to note the things I underlined LOL:
Hello Madam,
I happy to read you and to write aujourd’hui to you.
I could not make it but by courtesy and under council of the members that j’ai here, I am say qu’il is better to announce all these adventure to you that I am injured. Above all, I m’appelle M’BAO or Mbao and not Mboa Madam. I am a researcher and j’ai so much members with me here with the RDC Congo.
(Apparently He is annoyed that I can't spell his name right.... I care. Really.)
I also pass my life by helping the individuals whose life their seems a blocking social morals and j’en passes. J’avais on this occasion read and follow-up with attention your action and j’avais found an email on a site of your center and in this, j’avais judged good to write to you and d’être in collaboration with you and if possible having the members with me, we can open a center f.u.c.k.t.a.r.d. here in RDC Congo can that Congo is a country to d’avenir and the members whom j’avais did not n’était the least but races of qualities, qualified well, equipped, flexible, in short, men of the values here in Congo; but this lady bated us and such as I speak all the members now to you put the question to know if f.u.c.k.t.a.r.d. is true as a long time as its significance says that the truth is in addition to this.
It us A walked I make say it to you d’une dishonouring way and we are all tops of f.u.c.k.t.a.r.d. because, us one wanted to adhere and make several other members and to see even opening d’autres center in the countries bordering on the RDC Congo and why not in all the RDC Congo. In this, us and it fell d’accord on this point and to do it you $35000 for l’achat d’un ground should grant us and it m’avait asked my photograph with a hat d’aluminium like protection and sign showing a member of the coalition. Made thing, then she will still say to me to sign a document qu’elle m’avait sent, made thing and she will still ask me to seek a ground that we were going to buy then to make a streamer with these writings: We are proud d’être the members of f.u.c.k.t.a.r.d. in Congo and to take photographs with that in the ground which we chose to buy because, other members of f.u.c.k.t.a.r.d. on your premise still doubted and did not believe of us and that all that would prove our good faith, made thing. And little after it will m’averra five copies of form of WESTERN UNION so that I fill it and that I can send to him so that we can obtain the bottom necessary for l’achat ground and others, made thing. But arrived there, it my fact of going while saying oh! there is pirate Mbao, I you do not believe more can that there is another Mbao which m’a say that you n’êtes not truth Mbao, you owe m’avoyer a photograph the hands raised so that I believe you, made thing; you owe m’avoyer a photograph in trousers ceremonial of foil to obtain the font… and l’affaire had become very very long then we found that this n’était that joke and not the truth and we decided d’abandonner and d’aller elsewhere, draws that I l’avais asked for his true name, its address, its State, its city its telephone number, it n’a never desired to thus do it c’est a scam?. All this information is in its computer and I believe that you l’avez with you can that you m’avez sent a photograph. All that I then to say to you is that if you believe me and see that we can continue at this stage, c’est good but either to make me walked because, this lady m’a to the eyes of the races that I make leave work with like a liar of talent and as if I am one is worth anything, sans.valor but it n’a not known what I could be for it to l’avenir and do not know what I am in my country!?! It m’a make spend more than $587 for all this and I really sorry am discouraged for all that but if you believe you can something, go y and we will see then supporting you in the truth and sincerity.
JP M’BAO
HAHHAHAA!!!! If he did indeed spend $587 GOOD- better him that some poor old person on a pension who loses their life savings because of him.
Fucker.
Anyhoo.... I ignore him - mainly cause I have other things to do. He sends a short email which basically says that he is waiting to hear from me.
I write a quick note- just to keep him on the hook a little longer saying that we are undergoing construction and I'll get back to him tomorrow...
Just out of curiousity I decided to check the email address I initially baited him with -- the one supposedly belonging to Ms. Walker.
Wouldn't you know it! I got an email... How odd.
Why is it odd? Because no one has that address except Mbao. I did not use that email to harvest spammers. It was created especially for him. The email was also not randomly sent to a list of similar sounding names - plus it was very short - not at all like your regular Scam letter.
Hello, We are a ONG and we read your email and want to be in contacts with you can be also collaborated with you. If this plait you, take care to answer us and we will give you all our details and co-ordinates. Cordially your Meadows. Serge
?
Aside from the obvious "what the hell is an ONG?" question - who the hell is Serge? And why is he talking about my "meadows"?
Seriously folks, you miss ONE waxing appointment and the whole world knows....
I had a sneaking suspicion that Mbao was trying to see where I was at so I pull up the routing history and check IP numbers...
BINGO.
Sure as shit - unless some other scammer is using the same internet cafe as Mbao and just happened to get my address (yeah - riiight) plus the time periods of use are almost identical. It's Mbao alright.
I'm still deciding if I should respond.
----
Update: 29 April
Okay - I decided to respond with both emails but throw in another little twist.
Rosetta sends Mbao this email:
Dear Mr Mboa,
Please excuse my delay as we are undergoing construction in the partof the sanctuary. I have done some more research into your case. What is important to note is that Ms. Walker filed paperwork under your name but apparently met a man in Nigeria and was sending him the funds.
You have not heard from her have you? If you do - PLEASE contact me immediately. I apologize for this confusion. I have seen the pictures you sent and am very pleased by your willingness to assist in spreading the word of FUCKTARD.
I also apologize in that many of the forms anyone is required to fill out to recieve funding was not filled out by you- as must be done- but apparently Ms. Walker filled many out herself and simply signed your name. We were able to discover this because of the noseprint she put on the forms.
We require a print - sort of like a fingerprint - on ALL forms. The tip of the nose is inked and pressed to the paper - it is how we sign many of our documents...This form of signature came about after our glorious and exaulted leader spoke with aliens in a dream.
Anyhow- I am going to try to sort through all this mess and see if I cannot get you the money to start the FUCKTARD center in the Congo.
Please please accept my most sincere apology and know that we are not evil bitches like Ms. Walker - we do not want you to get a bad impression of our community. Fortunately you did NOT provide Ms Walker with the photograph of youin the ceremonial combative jubilation tin foil shorts. She was intending on using that picture to secure funds OVER $50,000. We require these requests to be made in the ceremonial combative jubilation tin foil shorts so we can present them to the Jabbahut commitee...I am going to restart your file and try to rush it through - if everything goes smoothly you will receive your funds by the end of next week.We must get this done quickly- soon all fund-requests will be closed and no requests will be allowed to be submitted until next year.
Looking forward to hearing from you
-Ms. Stone
Aint that a bitch?
Meanwhile - from my other email I send Mbao/ONG this:
Who dis? You be dey little boi try to take Walker?
Doesn't sound like much does it? Ohhh but appearances are deceiving. I won't spoil it for you-- we'll just wait and see it he responds.... Stay tuned.
---------
UPDATE: 10 MAY
Sorry I have been so neglect- I have a few baits running so I haven't had much time to deal with posting updates...
Anyhow - let me catch you up.
From the original "Ms. Walker" account - no one ever responded. It isn't over yet though. I think I am going to ressurect Ms. Walker and send Mbao a nice note.
Getting back to Rosetta and my quest for a picture of Mbao in his ceremonial combative jubilation foil shorts - I received this well thought out and eloquently phrased reply from my lad:
yes, but you know that me I am profane you must help me
JP
I think what he means to say is that he is destroying the English language.
I will certainly try to help you. I have spoken with the Commanding
Officer for FUCKTARD and am trying to convince him to have a special
meeting to review your files. I do not think it is fair to make you
wait a long time to receive money that you believed in good fait you
would receive.
Unfortunately all the paperwork you sent to Ms. Walker is invalid
because she changed information. I will be sending you some new forms
with included security measures so that hwat happened to you will not
happen to anyone else.
Light Speed my friend.
Ms. Stone
dear Madam,
I read well your email and I am very happy but what I must say to you is that, I do not know what "the photography of you in the shorts wants to say combative foil ceremonial of can of jubilation" can that I am not yet in the true bath of the thing? thus is with you to teach me what that wants to say as you had many of my photographs in the computer of Mrs Walker, you can take that and to make that FUCKTARD starts in Congo RDC. we is in waiting of your favorable continuation to begin it here you know that I am already laisé by Walker but I did not lose courage thus justifies me and pass to the practical realization of FUCKTARD. for the remainders it is with you of me the statement and to learn to me.
JP
Mbao doesn't want to pose for me. Damn. I decide to change tactics and see what his reaction is.
Oh Mr. JP Mbao,
You must have misuderstood me. I did not ask for a photo of you in the combative ceremonial jubilation shorts. We only require that of higher denomination requests or those which must be provided immediatly - $50,000 and greater with a 24 hour deadline.
We once again apologize for ANY problems Ms. Walker may have caused you. We are committed to getting the center started in Congo with you. Because of the problems she caused - we are going to fast-track your paperwork - so you should have the money you requested in less than 7 days.
I have consulted with the head of FUCKTARD and pleaded your case to him. I told him that it was totally unfair for you to have to go through all the paperwork again to receive the funds you requested. After much arguing - he agreed that you should recieve the funds IMMEDIATELY.
This is what I need from you:
1. Fill out the form I am sending you. This form will allow us to bypass ALL OTHER FORMS. What this means is that you will not have to fill out anything anymore once this form has been submitted. I will fill out the Western Union forms to send you the money on your behalf - if you are willing to accept a Western Union transfer of funds.
PRINT THE FORM OUT - IT MUST BE FILLED OUT BY HAND - THEN SCAN AND RETURN TO ME IMMEDIATLY.
2. This next part is your choice.
If you wish to receive the money within 24 hours of my reciept of the completed form - you MUST provide me with a phone number you can be reached at anytime so we can verify the transfer. You MUST submit a photo of you in the ceremonial combative jubilation tin foil shorts. If I receive all of these items - I can transfer the amount of $45,545 to you within 24 hours.
If you wish to receive the money within 7 DAYS of my receipt of the completed form - you MUST provide me with a phone number you can be reached at anytime so we can verify the transfer.If I receive all of these items - I can transfer the amount of $45,545 to you within 7 DAYS.
Please also - verify the person's name who will be picking up the Western Union transfer.
The pass question and answer will be:
WHAT IS OUT THERE, WHO AM I?
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE AND I AM A FUCKTARD.
Please contact me immediately upon recieving this email to let me know your decision. I am awaiting your urgent response.
Please trust in me. I understand you have been wronged- be assurred I will not do this to you. If you have any problems please do not hesitate to contact me.
We recently sent a neighbour of yours $90,000 for his to establish a centre in Benin. He sent us some pictures of where the center will be- we are just thrilled and can't wait until you too are able to start up a sanctuary!
Sincerely,
Ms. Rosetta Sone
P.S.
Have you heard from Ms. Walker???
The forms I sent are pretty classic. I'll post them when he returns them.
hello, to card-index it that you did send to me does not open in our machine are that you can start again another to card-index? please! but I warn you that I cannot include/understand this: " You must subject a photograph of you in the shorts combative foil ceremonial of can of jubilation." please, saving me still with the problems of the photographs because, you have some so much there! and here the Net coute much I have the will to work with you but facilitate to me the task tomorrow I want to see what you will send and to supplement it. JP
Liar. It's in Word you fuck and I KNOW you can open it because you opened Word files before that I sent you.
Just sent the forms and I will try to figure out something about the picture- perhaps I can reason with the committee and you will not have to take the picture in the shorts...
I sent the document again. print it out - fill it out- and then return it.
Let me try to explain what happens in this next email - he send me the following but he apparently screwed up the translator so he cut and pasted the same stuff FOUR times in the same email. Then he resends the email THREE more times for a total of 12 impossible to understand works of crap. Duhhhhh.
He also complains about money again.
madam,
we are proud to re-examine fucktard in Congo and we believe that this time here it is total advance I re-examined all the races which thus formed to part the members and they gave me their agreement to become again members if they still saw the progret in that Ci and I believe that this time here, all will set out again well if you do not complicate any more. I saw the document well but is really much how to do it? I had tell the time to you last which is needed at least 0.94$ for scaner a page only here in RDC. Epargnemoi please and the photograph too. I want fucktard well but I am really laisé it is necessary to save to me of too many tricks. here in your document, there are 9 pages from where 9$ for the scanage and 5$ to make them send at home... help me because, I want to do it well. I had say to you that we are not at all poor to do what you ask but help us with some thing and will fairons we it because, I wasted as well in this I estimate as you include/understand me well and if all is made you come here and veras that there are races able for that but for anything else such photograph, scanage, help us. JP
Mr.Mbao,
I will be happy to compensate you for any costs incurred filling out the paperwork. Once you have send me the completed forms I will send you a "Recompensatory Form" where you need to simply fill in how much was spent. You MUST however include any receipts from the place that does the scanning for you as we need to keep them on file for our own tax records.
Have a wonderful weekend and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Now Mbao pissed me off by insinuating that I am not who I say I am. HOW RUDE.
Hello,
I am very happy to still write this small missive to you. How feel you to it pace of our business?
I believe that this adventure should not continue thus; who goes from the procedures in procedures and the formalities in formalities.
I excuse myself for a little delay, this is with the sedentary functions which I exert, because in ms functions I found a co-operation which will make me travelled to Europe (the diamond sale) and Si all is well I can do one croché on your premise.
I never have say on the Net what I am me. And especially not to Mrs Walker, then that it also hid me what it is. Good!
I find you a little sincere but say me initially:
1. your true name
2. the city which you are
3. the State
4. your number of portable
5. your postal
6. your job
7 limps. and finally the seat or the address of fucktard I am also in waiting of your suggestion on my assumption because the pages which you had sent were really much. You know,
I want to tell you a thing; I am really a very good collaborator who cannot betray you but Walker betrayed me and I can only act of the kind, but I had a good gift to offer it to its arrived here at Kinshasa (a diamond of 3 carat) only for honoured but I saw the adventure in it; me I am not whatever for the adventure.
See even the supposed ground was already bought and we waited until the money which you will send so that we can recover our share that one bought the ground and one had already had an architect for a construction of a villa of form "mézanie" to honour association but alas! It for what, I do not want that you can still make me evil but me and it with the friends members we stopped on the point western union and if you want continue by there! Me I shoed you to see even other circuits which will return large a businessman to you...
It is not that we miss the money but I want that this time Ci, we do it with you and your assistance please. Send to us even 40$ and you will see!
Who the FUCK does he think he is? I'm running this show. Time for a smack.
Mr. Mbao
I understand Ms. Walker was deceitful in her dealing with you however I have been nothing but honest and forthcoming. I am insulted by your implication that I am not who I say I am.
My real name? You already know this. It is clearly stated on my email and I have, on multiple occassions signed my emails to you with my REAL name. You as well know my job as I have signed my emails with my title CLEARLY written. The same goes for the other information.
I have the first installment check authorized by the finance office for you for $8500 sitting on my desk and you are telling me to send you $40 and talking about diamonds? This makes no sense. This is not a business propostion - this concerns the establishment of a new FUCKTARD center in Congo.
I am quite disappointed in your unprofessionalism Mr Mbao and I am considering recommending to the committee that we find an alternative contact in Congo.
If you are sincere - you will send the documents I requested. Otherwise I will assume you do not wish to be a partner in FUCKTARD.
Good Day.
MS. ROSETTA STONE
CHIEF SPECTRAL OFFICER
FUCKTARD
FUCKTARD SANCTUARTY
Hurrrph!
As expected he quivers at my display of awesome power... :)
oh!
please, I really excuse myself if my remarks laisés you. if I spoke to you about diamonds it is my job and right to show to you that I am not avid moneys but that me and the others avitent desired to belong to FUCKTARD but alas! we are laises for that. concerning confidence, it is with you to notice it but if you believe that we are not races to make confidence, so much better. I believe that any laized person must become wise. if you believe that we can go there, made me entrusting by facilitating the spot to me so that I can more expenditure my money and I will be trustful for you
Getting him back on track:
Dear Mr. Mbao,
I understand we all make mistakes so I forgive your lack of judgement and will not recommend closure of you file at this time. However- we are anxious to getting started on the new center and hate this waste of time which could be used more productively.
Please complete the forms I have send you and return them to me so I can re-start your file.
Ms. Rosetta Stone
Chief Spectal Officer
FUCKTARD
FINAL UPDATE: 17 MAY
I receive this from Mbao:
well,
I know that you as me we want that fucktard functions and I you in remerci much for your comprehension. I want to go to see filling it but how to send it then that this goes me couter flesh!! this is why I say to you that assistance me. but let us see seeing this Saturday how I can make it then that 9.8$ for me it is rop. and I want above all to know how you will proceed for that and clearly explains to me your telephone number and your address then, also explain me that "the verity is apart from this"
NO attachement. I think he is getting wise to me.
Mr. Mbao-
Please understand I have gone through a lot of trouble to set up this transfer of money for you and you seem to not want to do anything to help yourself. Without the forms I cannot help you. I must inform you that a Ms. Mariam Abacha has come forth and requested that she be the one to found the FUCKTARD center in Congo. I do not wish to do that since I feel you are a good man and I trust you would do an excellent job as our representitive in the Congo.
Please send me the forms within 48 hours or I will be forced to close your file with us.
I hadn't heard anything from him so I figured I would give the pot one more stir and re-introduce Ms. Walker...
By now you probably have found out that I left FUCKTARD and took a
whole bunch of money with me. I've been wanting to contact you to let
you know I felt a little bad taking advantage of you.
I was supposed to travel to Nigeria to meet a man I met on the
internet but when I got down there - there was no one at the airport.
I waiting - with over $200,000 in a suitcase for THREE HOURS and no
one came.
Anyhow- so now I am in Egypt checking out the pyramids. Very nice!
Supposedly aliens built them I have heard.
Please don't tell anyone you spoke to me. I heard that FUCKTARD has a
$10,000 reward for information on my whereabouts - since -
understandably- they are a little angry with me.
Ms. Walker
Nada.
Fair thee well Steve/Snoogies/Snoogle-Oogle-Ookies/My dear nutsack/Frooglenoodles/Noodlesoup/Mbao. I'll miss you.
I think we'll wrap this up and call me the winner :)
posted by scamarella at 1:56 PM
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